What Finish Line?
Let's explore the notion of the coveted 'finish line.' What does a 'finish line' represent? Is it simply a construct revolving around the idea that you completed a large feat and need that sense of closure or is it by definition, a line that marks that you finished, signifying nothing of importance but rather just another checkmark on your list of goals and dreams accomplished?
What if this concept was entirely built as a tool to power against complacency and for the sole purpose of receiving that medal and moving on to achieving more goals? But the thing is, what if the physical line is just a mere notion with no actual significance? Or better yet, what if you were robbed of the chance to cross over that line - something that you needed to do for yourself, and for your own sanity?
What if you stepped out of line to get to that finish line but never actually physically crossed over it? Does it still count? If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears the sound of it falling, did it still fall? What if the journey to the finish line becomes more monumental than receiving that actual medal itself?
You are now left with no closure and your own doubts start to creep in. Was it me? Am I the problem? Is it my fault that I let everyone down by not crossing over that finish line? These are the questions that keep going on in my mind at night, questioning my every move - almost prohibiting me from moving forward but not quite.
I was all dressed up and had nowhere to go - tutu fluffed and race jersey on. The team members who stayed behind to get me ready and to the bus to the Miami Marathon all woke up at 5 am for the sole purpose of getting this closure and celebrating as a team this milestone. It was never about crossing over that finish line for the sole purpose of public recognition or to say "I did it" but rather to finally close out this chapter of my life with grace.
When things go to sh**, you still have your teammates and friends who have your back and they, themselves, choose to cross over that physical finish line for you. So while the failure of crossing over the line may have diminished the celebration and personal satisfaction, I will not allow it to consume my every thought from here on out. Knowing that we stepped out of line over one million times is what matters most.
It is now months after as I re-visit and publish this blogpost and my anger and disappointment have dissipated over the past few months since this blog's inception. This ability to revisit my words forced me to learn to adapt, forgive, and move on and has enabled me to regain my power back. The future may be unwritten, but this is my story, and is it up to me to write it.
This is #TalesofWanderlust by Peri. XX
